Elvis, the King of Rock and Roll, meets Warhol, the Painter of Pop.

According to Presley’s teachers he was an average student and fairly shy. Presley had his first gig at 12 years old and was so overcome by stage fright he didn’t perform the first of his two shows. Unlike the completely untrue story about Albert Einstein failing math, Presley barely passed his music classes with a C. 

Presley was still a shy and awkward teenager in high school until he figured out how valuable a good hairstyle could be; he grew out his sideburns and slicked his hair with rose oil and Vaseline. HOT! 

This star’s rise to fame was a slow and steady one. It was Presley’s second appearance on the Milton Berle Show  that set off a hotbed of lady hormones and sent pearl-clutching grandma’s to their Bibles. It was the start of Elvis the PELVIS. And you thought Miley Cyrus was scandalous…

Elvis was drafted in 1958 and deployed in Friedberg, Germany, where he met 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu who he would marry seven years later. Friedberg is also where he learned about amphetamines and their excellent medicinal benefits of energy, strength, and weight loss. 

After returning from war in 1960, Presley released a string of albums and made several guest appearances before taking a seven-year hiatus from performing to focus on making mostly unsuccessful films including Flaming Star (1960), which is where Warhol got this image.

It’s a lot easier to meet the President when you’re famous and no American was more famous than Elvis. President Nixon would later describe the meeting as super freaking weird. (Feel free to pretend that’s a direct quote.) Elvis talked about patriotism, how much he hated hippies, and being super anti-drug. I sense some ironic foreshadowing … He was also against the Beatles because they promoted what Presley felt was anti-Americanism and drug culture. Paul McCartney later said that when they all were hanging out together five years earlier, they were definitely taking drugs. 

On February 23, 1972, the Presleys separated after Priscilla told Elvis about the affair she was having with their Karate instructor Mike Stone. Elvis had also had his string of affairs. Priscilla was then allegedly raped by Elvis, she says he “‘grabbed ... and forcefully made love to’ her, declaring, ‘This is how a real man makes love to his woman.’" Sorry to be the repeater of bad news, but it sounds like Elvis totally raped his wife. 

By October of 1973, Presley had reached the unattractive ‘Fat Elvis’ years. He was a full on drug addict getting prescription opiates from his doctor. Since he was under the delusion that prescription drugs from doctors are totally not regular drugs he figured he wasn’t addicted and definitely didn’t have a drug problem. It was later revealed that his doctor, Dr. Nichopoulos, prescribed him more than 10,000 doses of various opiates in an eight month span (his medical license was revoked). Presley continued to tour up until his death, but could barely string together a coherent song or stand without support causing most of his audience to hate him. He suffered from glaucoma, high blood pressure, liver damage, and an enlarged colon, all most likely caused by his excessive drug use.

On August 16, 1977, Presley was found on his bathroom floor by his girlfriend. Thousands traveled to Graceland to view the casket and Billy Mann, his ass of a cousin, was paid $18,000 by the National Enquirer to get the first photograph of Elvis in the coffin. Elvis was buried next to his mother and both were reburied in Graceland after some absolutely insane fans tried to STEAL HIS BODY. 

People are still crazy obsessed with Elvis as they were the day he came on the scene:

• Andy Warhol's 1963 painting of Elvis, Triple Elvis (Ferus Type), sold for nearly $82 million in 2014. 


• Thousands make the pilgrimage (and it is definitely a religious experience) to Graceland on the anniversary of his death. After the White House, Graceland is the most visited home in the United States.


• Had six songs released posthumously that became top-ten hits.


• Is the top-earning deceased celebrity according to Forbes with approximately 15,000 licensed Presley products.

 

But, of course, Elvis is still definitely alive, living a happy and quiet retirement in Cuba.