How to prepare for your Valentine’s Day date- For men

Last year, you were anti-Valentine’s Day. But this year is different. This year, you are not alone and this could be the year that ensures that you will never be alone again on Valentine’s Day. Luckily, Sartle has devised a how-to guide to make sure your Valentine’s date is a success.

So get ready!

Formation:

This special night deserves your special attention, and crucial to any special occasion is that you take a shower.

Ideally, you’d give yourself ample time to have a nice, steamy bath, but as these things go, you’re watching ESPN highlights on your laptop one minute and the next minute it’s almost seven o’clock and you need to be at that bougie French restaurant by 7:30. In that case, a quick (but thorough) rinse will work just as well.

Man in Shower in Beverly Hills by David Hockney at the Tate Britain

But again, ample time to have a nice, steamy bath is ideal.

There is absolutely no room for sweatpants tonight. Instead, throw on a nice pair of jeans. Or, you don’t have to throw on anything at all. But please just make sure you don’t wear sweatpants.

Portrait of Captain Thomas Lee by Marcus Gheeraerts the Younger at the Tate Britain

Work it.

Flirtation:

Different types of people are woo-ed by different types of men. So depending on who your date is, you may want to consider trying out these flirtation techniques.

If you’re going for the old-fashioned gentleman’s charm, you may want to consider picking her up from her place. Preferably on horseback.

Col. William F. Cody (Buffalo Bill) by Rosa Bonheur at the Buffalo Bill Center of the West

If you’re going for the macho vibe and want to show off your brawn, you can literally just pick her up:

Ajax and Cassandra by Solomon J. Solomon at the Art Gallery of Ballarat

Go ahead, sweep her off her feet.

If you’re going for the intellectual vibe, furrow your brows and throw out some profound commentary throughout the night. Really make it known that you just love discussing ideas.

The Thinker by Auguste Rodin at the Legion of Honor

If you’re going for the sensitive, artistic vibe, pour your heart out to her over dinner. Share a childhood story or two, and tell her how she reminds you of your mother.

Kenneth Fearing by Alice Neel at the Museum of Modern Art

Fornication:

Congratulations! You’ve gotten this far. We know the anticipation is unbearable.

Fillette by Louise Bourgeois at the Museum of Modern Art

Just play it cool. Be chill. Be suave. 

John Perreault by Alice Neel at the Whitney Museum of American Art

Be safe.

And finally, you actually have a real human with you, so remember what you practiced and have fun!

If you’re reading this and you still don’t have a Valentine, then visit our “For Singles” edition to see how you can rock this so-called holiday all by yourself!

By Kyla