Are your eyes bleeding from binge watching the entirety of Orange Is the New Black? Join the club! We barely made it into work on Monday. While you pray to the Netflix gods for a new season to come quickly here are the works of art we think some of our favorite and most annoying inmates would hang in their cells.
[Spoiler alert for those who haven’t finished the second season]
Vase with 12 Sunflowers by Vincent van Gogh and Piper Chapman
Chapman is very pretty and pretty boring. Kind of like this van Gogh. Plus we wanted to pay homage to Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren’s nickname for her: Dandelion. Ok they’re not dandelions, whatever close enough.
Judith Beheading Holofernes by Artemesia Gentileschi and Poussey Washington with Tasha “Taystee” Jefferson
You can’t be your best self when the resident bully (Holofernes or Vee) is getting between you and your bestie. The best solution is to eliminate the competition.
Duchess de Polignac by Louise Vigée Le Brun and Alex Voss
They’re both known for being broke as hell and then working their way through the ranks to get what they want. Both are eventually brought down by the man and raging lesbianism.
Malle Babbe by Frans Hals and Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren
The system has failed those with mental illness in 15th century Holland and present day America. Season 2 gave us all a reminder that the world could use a little more kindness.
The Arnolfini Portrait by Jan van Eyck and Dayanara “Daya” Diaz with John Bennett
The cutest couple at Litchfield Penitentiary will soon have a hard time hiding Daya’s pregnancy. Too bad it’s not 15th-century Netherlands and fashionable to look massively pregnant at all times.
By: Lauren Dare
Sr. Editor