Apollo and Daphne is a story about a woman who hated a man so much that she became a tree to avoid having to marry him.

I’ll backtrack a bit. The story of Apollo and Daphne from Ovid’s Metamorphoses, Book I begins with a pissing contest between Apollo and Cupid. After getting a lil self-esteem booster by defeating Python, Apollo was talking sh*t to Cupid saying, “What are you doing with powerful weapons naughty boy?” Cupid, who may have had retaliation issues, decided to make one arrow of gold and one of lead. He shot the golden one at Apollo and made him fall madly in love with Daphne. He shot the leaden one at Daphne and made her loathe Apollo, which she didn’t really need because she had already pledged herself to a life of virginity. She was more of a sports and wilderness gal than a marriage and babies gal. Daphne’s father, the river god Peneus, resented this decision because he was jonesing for some grandbabies but eventually he was like “K, fine, whatever.”

So Apollo, who really just couldn’t keep it in his pants, chased Daphne all over hell and gone. When he was about to actually catch her, she pleaded with her father saying, “Help me, Peneus! Open the earth to enclose me, or change my form, which has brought me into this danger! Let me be free of this man from this moment forward!" He responded by turning her into a laurel tree, for which she was forever grateful.

You would think that her transformation into a tree would be a turn-off but Apollo’s love still burned with the fire of 1000 suns and he vowed to love her despite her form. He also made her evergreen with his powers of youth and immortality. Taking a hint really wasn’t Apollo’s strong suit and Daphne definitely wins the most elaborate escape plan to avoid a creepy dude.