Scientology doesn’t seem so weird when you see the core beliefs of Christianity laid out by Konrad Witz.

Here we have a single being who is simultaneously his own father and son (she’s my daughter, my sister, my daughter, my sister!), plus a teenaged virgin and an old lady getting knocked up by God asexually.

The Holy Trinity contemplates the redemption of mankind. God the Father is wearing sick pope bling in his gold embossed room.  God evidently doesn’t believe in minimalist decorating. Christ the Son bows to his Father’s will and prepares to materialize on Earth to die for our sins. The Holy Spirit takes the form of a dove and hovers over the proceedings.  Don’t worry, they’re all actually the same dude, so this isn’t polytheism. Somehow. The Bible is open to represent the prophecy being fulfilled, and the lamb represents innocence, which must be slaughtered to make the redemption of mankind possible. The Christian God is not a vegan. Lamb dead, dove alive. Got it?

On the right, the Virgin Mary and Elizabeth (mother of John the Baptist) have already been impregnated.  Mary is a virgin (‘nuff said), whereas Elizabeth is a barren woman waaaaay past menopause.  Furthermore, Mary is looking rather blonde and pasty for a semitic desert woman.  As if all this wasn’t weird enough, the ladies of this holy pregnancy pact are carrying their fetuses outside their bellies. Guess that saves money on the ultrasound, but lamaze class with these two would be super creepy. Fetal Jesus has a serious case of resting bitch face, while fetal John the Baptist kneels in prayer to the extra-uterine Messiah. Maybe Tom Cruise has the right idea with his prehistoric alien demigods after all. In any case, those who live in glass dogma should not throw stones.