The Vatican Museums is a collection of twelve museums neighboring the Apostolic Palace and Sistine Chapel which together combine to 54 galleries of artwork. 

The Vatican Museums are housed in a series of rooms and pavilions originally built for the pope’s use. The first proper collection of art held in these rooms featured various ancient sculptures that Pope Julius II compiled during his papacy in the early 1500s. Following popes added to Julius II’s collection as the fascination with ancient art and architecture continued throughout the Renaissance. This obsession soon got out of hand, and by the 18th century, the popes were uncontrollable hoarders. In 1769, Pope Clement XIV inherited the overflowing rooms of artifacts his predecessors had accumulated and initiated an elaborate renovation project to organize the thousands of pieces of classical art into something worth seeing. The additions made by Pope Clement XIV and by his successors Pope Pius VI and Pope Pius VII included the Pio Clementino Museum and the Chiaramonti Museum, which are the focal points of the Vatican Museums to this day.

What started as Pope Julius II’s private grouping of a couple Roman sculptures is now a massive museum complex that is longer than 450 football fields combined and houses over 72,000 art objects in its permanent collection. With that many artworks in that large a space there is bound to be something for everyone. For animal lovers there is the museums’ “stone zoo”, a multi-room gallery filled with ancient sculptures of all types of critters. Car aficionados will find enjoyment in the Carriages Pavillion where Popemobiles used throughout the centuries are showcased. If you’re more a fan of painting, the Pinacoteca houses artworks by Italian Renaissance headliners Giotto, Leonardo da Vinci, and Raphael. And if Italian art bores you, there are mummies, headdresses, masks, and suits of armour displayed in the numerous galleries of global art. 

But, if you’re looking for artisanal penises, you might want to go to the Capitoline Museums instead. During the Counter Reformation the papacy initiated a mass censorship project eliminating every exposed penis in the Vatican’s collection. Every ancient sculpture whose manhood was still intact gained a carefully placed fig leaf and any painting with nudity, including Michelagelo’s  The Last Judgement, was painted over to make the atmosphere more holy.

Even with the lack of penises, over six million people visit the Vatican Museums each year. That number would be higher if it weren’t for all the visitors who were refused entry based on their outfits. The Vatican Museums has an extremely strict dress code and is known for kicking people out if they are showing too much skin or have unseemly tattoos. Speaking from experience, being told by a guard that your exposed shoulders are unacceptable is more offensive than it sounds. Nonetheless, all you can do is swallow your pride, buy an overpriced shawl from one of the hundreds of salesmen lining the streets, and try again. Trust me, the treasures of the Vatican Museums are worth it.