No homo! This was most likely the thought running through Hercules’ head when he decided to rub bods with Antaeus.

But don’t worry; this isn’t some old school rape scene, its just Hercules killing Antaeus (...wait, is that better?)

Antaeus was the half giant son of Poseidon, the god of the sea, and Gaia, the goddess of earth. He possessed super human strength as long as he stayed in contact with the earth, but as soon as he left the ground he would lose his brawn. He was also a total bully. Clearly suffering from some deep-rooted daddy issues, Antaeus would fight anyone who passed him, kill them, and then use their skulls to create a temple for his father Poseidon. The things people do for approval…

One day, Hercules got fed up with his fellow countrymen’s noggins being used as bricks so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He approached Antaeus to settle this dispute once and for all. After struggling a little bit, Hercules lifted Antaeus from the ground, gave him a massive bear hug, crushed his ribs, and then finished the job.

As magnificent as Lucas Cranach the Elder’s reproduction of this fable is, we are left with some unanswered question such as: why are they naked? Why does it look like Hercules is posing for a J. Crew catalog? And most importantly,which dude is rocking those flowing locks of public hair? My money is on pretty boy Hercules. Either way, that look is so retro. I guess manscaping had yet to be invented in the 16^th century.