The Intervention of the Sabine Women was sort of like the first blockbuster franchise, and first IMax-3D.

David conceived of it as a “sequel” to Poussin’s popular Rape of the Sabine Women.  In addition to the painting’s epic size (almost 13 by 17 feet), he lined the exhibition hall at the Louvre with mirrors so that viewers would feel fully immersed in the drama, and even sold tickets.

Like any good box office extravaganza, David laid on plenty of sex appeal, but audiences of the time were shocked by the male nudity.  Full frontal of women was accepted in a classical context, but a little bit of man-ass was scandalous...not unlike the modern day movie rating system.  Every girl and closeted boy in France flocked to the painting.  Some reports even describe throngs of women gawking at the painting and fantasizing about being the central heroine sandwiched between the two naked dudes on either side.

The hottie in the white dress is in fact Hersilia, in between her Sabine father Titus Tatius, and her Roman husband Romulus.  According to legend, the Romans invited the Sabines to a party and stole their women for breeding.  When the Sabine men invaded in retaliation, the Sabine women (now Roman wives and mothers) intervened for peace.  The guy in the middle with the Chris Hemsworth buns is Romulus.  Tatius is the one with a sword sheath strategically covering his peen (in not-so-subtle symbolism).  David originally painted him fully exposed, but covered over the dirty bits to appease outraged critics who thought the painting was a “threat to women’s health.”  Guess they had the FCC back in the day, too...some things never change.

Perhaps the pandering to women’s sexual desire came from David’s eagerness to get things going again with his ex wife.  David and his wife Marguerite-Charlotte had divorced following the French Revolution, in part because he was a supporter of Robespierre, who basically pulled a Hitler, with mass executions of mostly innocent aristocrats and suspected enemies of the State.  Marguerite, on the other hand, was a staunch royalist.

David started working on this painting in prison after Robespierre was guillotined under his own reign of terror, and it seems he wanted to reconcile with Marguerite.  Supposedly the theme represents love triumphing over adversity, but all the studly butts may have helped heat up Madame David’s oven.  The strategy worked better than a Marvin Gaye tune, anyway.  The David’s remarried and stayed together until Marguerite’s death.  Sleeping on the couch?  Want to show her you’re sorry? Don’t send flowers!  Say it with man meat and a wall of art at the Louvre!