Louis XIV was basically the 17th century version of every chick who Instagram’s about a dozen selfies taken in the bathroom everyday.

After 300 commissioned royal portraits you'd think he'd get tired of posing? #YOLO We can’t technically call this work by Hyacinthe Rigaud a selfie, but what’s a monarch gonna do when he can’t paint for beans, but poses like Kate Upton on the cover of Vogue? Looks like a job for a court painter. That’s where Rigaud comes in. And so the painting ended up becoming the highlight of his career plus Louis’ sexiest portrait.

The portrait was actually supposed to be a weird present for Louis’ grandson, Philip V of Spain, but he pulled a takesy-backsy when he saw the work and was thrilled with the flattering depiction. He sent Philip a copy instead…no comment on the bad present-giving etiquette here. I don’t care if he was a king! Who does that?? ANYWAY. Rigaud wasn’t too fussed about how realistic the portrait was. Which is apparent when you check out the legs on this guy. I mean, what kind of 60 something year old has legs like that? To be fair, Louis had been a ballet dancer in his youth and what you’re seeing might be an enhanced residual of his once toned pins. 

Louis was also kind of short in real life, but like I said, the artist had gone a bit off-script and decided to add some height. It’s also the crazy contortionist twist that enhances him vertically, alongside the cute heels. And speaking of artistic license, someone call K.I.S.S. because I think Louis’s hair should get an audition! Ok to be fair, that could just be a wig and not Rigaud’s Beachy Curls tube of volumizing paint. Everything about this painting looks hot: the hair, the legs, the outfit, but…not so much Louis’ face. The aging emperor doesn’t quite match the rest of his body. Them double chins and laugh lines haven’t been glossed over, so I guess Rigaud was tryin’ to keep it real (and recognizable) in just a few places. Must’ve run out of the botox pigments.