Of course she has a thigh gap, her feet and knees aren’t even touching.
Welsh model/reality TV star Imogen Thomas sparked a Twitter war over her controversial #Thighgap, prompting rebuttals ranging from the predictable #thighstouch, to a photo trend of Miss America finalists circa 1945. We at Sartle would like to do our part for a healthy body image by fleshing out (pun very much intended) an area that puts the “Rubens” in Rubenesque: Art History. Check out these killer bodies of various shapes and sizes, from slim to sumptuous, all with one thing in common … you couldn’t play a game of darts between any of their thighs.
Woman of Willendorf at the Museum of Natural History Vienna
The Woman of Willendorf can’t be bothered with a thigh gap. She’s too busy keeping saber-toothed tigers from eating her babies. Motherhood in the Stone Age can be a real drag … especially if you don’t have eyes.
The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli at the Uffizi Gallery
Venus, Art History’s #1 fleshy-thighed gal, is clearly too busy being fabulous to pay any heed to thigh gaps.
“I’m the goddess of beauty, suck on that!”
Sleeping Venus by Eustache Le Sueur at the Legion of Honor
Here she is sleeping off a hangover after girls’ night on Mount Olympus:
“Why the hell won’t Vulcan stop hammering? Why the hell isn’t he watching cupid like he promised? Why the hell does Cosmo say there’s something wrong with my thighs?”
The Three Graces by Antonio Canova at the Victoria and Albert Museum
The Three Graces are too engrossed in some girl-on-girl loving to care about thigh gaps. If their thighs weren’t supposed to touch, then they wouldn’t be graces.
The Nude Maja by Francisco Goya at the Prado National Museum
The Nude Maja has bigger problems on her mind:
“If you think you’ve got body issues, try being a hot naked chick with weird baseball boobs in the Spanish Inquisition.”
The Blue Room by Suzanne Valadon at the Georges Pompidou Center
Homegirl does not care:
Mom: “Why don’t you try getting out of bed and going to the gym for once?”
Girl: “I don’t know, Mom. Why don’t you try not being such a pain in the ass?”
(Blows cigarette smoke in mom’s face)
Sleeping Hermaphrodite at the Louvre
The sleeping hermaphrodite says:
“I’d like to give a shit about my inner thighs, I really would … but right now I’m rather more concerned about the penis.”
Diana and Actaeon by Francesco Albani at the Old Masters Picture Gallery
Actaeon tells Diana and her ladies they have fat thighs. Diana turns him into a stag and sics her dogs on him.
Moral of the story…don’t mess with Diana.
The Four Elements: Fire, Water and Earth, Air by Adolf Ziegler
See, even Hitler liked a girl with a healthy appetite … ok, maybe not the best recommendation … scratch that.
Self Portrait by Alice Neel at the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery
Uh-oh! Alice Neel rented Calendar Girls again, and took the message way too literally. But in all seriousness, for a woman in her ‘80s, she’s rocking those filled-out thighs and that natural body … you go girl!
Death of the Strong Wicked Man by William Blake at the Portland Art Museum
Who says body image has to be a woman’s issue? This guy subscribes to none of this Harry Styles, skinny-jeans nonsense. He proudly displays thighs that could crack a walnut:
“I have no time for your ‘thigh gap’ bullshit. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m busy … being DEAD!”
By: Griff Stecyk
Sr. Contributor