In this pervert's fantasy, David Hockney paints what's vulnerable about washing up in the loo.

Being vulnerable is a strange and wondrous thing. There are levels to it…here’s my abridged vulnerability chart going from mild to wild:

1. When you’re not wearing a jacket and it’s nippy out.


2. When you’re emotionally insecure and your lover just called you fat.


3. When you’re bent over in the shower, buck-naked, letting the water glide all over your exposed, nubile self while someone gets an eyeful.

Number 3 is the clear choice for Hockney in Man in Shower in Beverly Hills, aka a pervy peeping Tom checking out a defenseless dude. Beguiled by the raunchy American publications that featured hunky, tanned men of the '60’s, Hockney’s source for the figure in this image was incidentally a photograph from the Athletic Model Guild.

Though what really makes this a successful image of creepy voyeurism is the POV stance that the viewer automatically takes, with the leaves acting as a tool of concealment. Thanks David AND Nature, for aiding scopophiliacs around the world. Interestingly, even though the leaves were a planned part of the image, Hockney turned the leaves down to avoid painting the feet. That’s right. Even someone like David Hockney sucked at painting feet! Makes me feel better about all those disproportionate limbs I drew in art school.