That awkward moment when the gods show up and you’re sleeping on the job: or the Judgment of Paris.  

Here's a cautionary tale of what happens when you leave someone important off your guest list. It all starts with a wedding feast on Mount Olympus. Everyone who is anyone is there, except for Discord. Discord is that cousin who nobody wants to invite because it’s just not worth the drama...but she shows up anyway, crashes the open bar, and next thing you know it’s “real housewives of Mount Olympus.” Discord comes armed with a golden apple, inscribed “Let the fair one take it.” Naturally, Juno, Minerva and Venus all step up to claim the gift. Damnit, Discord! Couldn’t you just order some butter knives off the wedding registry like all the other gods?

The three goddesses in question decide to settle the dispute by having a mortal man judge their hot bodies, so they go down to Earth where Prince Paris of Troy is passed out in the woods. Mercury, the old bearded dude who evidently wore his Big Bird costume to the wedding, is trying to wake Paris up while the goddesses look at the viewer like, “Betch, please.”

When Paris finally awakes, he’s all like, “I just don’t know, but maybe if everybody got naked….” so the goddesses strip. Paris (never the brightest Trojan in the pack) can’t make a decision with all the boobs in his face, so Juno offers political power, Minerva offers wisdom and military strength, and Venus offers the love of the most beautiful woman in the world. Sex sells, and Paris thinks with his smaller head, so Venus wins.

Paris then alternately seduces or “rapes” (abducts) the gorgeous Queen Helen of Sparta, leading to the Trojan War. You really don’t want to be on the bad side of the goddess of war when 1,000 enemy ships are at your gates. Minerva uses her powers to sway the war against Troy and thus, a great civilization crumbles all because one dude couldn’t keep it in his tunic.